Pain
by axomyrhcal13
Summary: Love unrequited had never been this painful. Oneshot. To answer Freiya's question on Regret. TeFu.


**Disclaimer: **Again and again. I don't own them. To the grave.

**Warning:** Angst ahead. This time, it's Tezuka turn!

**A/N:** I'm back for being gone for a week! Due to Freiya asking what happened to Tezuka, I now present Tezuka's very angsty PoV on Regret. Be ready for a very angsty Tezuka. I need to make him do so, if you've read Regret you'll understand. Tezuka's so in love…and yeah, the unrequited happens. Read Regret first (in Fuji's PoV) before this one, because…it's better that way. Reviews~

Why isn't Fuji appearing to all the new chapters of Shin Tennis no Oujisama??! Honestly...I saw glimpses of Tezuka...but no Fuji in sight. Where'd you ran off to, Fuji?! (Okay, don't mind me. Get on with the reading)

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Pain**

By Lachrymosa13blue

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There you go again, with that sweet, eternal smile of yours that never fails to enchant me. I wish you could stop that, stop making my gaze fix at you so longingly, stop me tolerating your quirks and teases, stop making everything about you the object of my thoughts, stop stealing my breath away and stop making my heart frantically beating all the time. I was unaware when and why I started falling for you. It's something I haven't understood.

I didn't know what came to me, when one day, I asked you to stay. I couldn't take it anymore; I need to tell you, I need you to know.

"Fuji, I love you."

You were rendered speechless with my words. I saw the confusion stirring in your mesmerizing eyes.

Pain.

Can't you see how much I love you?

Can't you feel my overflowing ardor for you?

But I knew I couldn't just force you to say you love me. Rejection is foreign to me, but I guess this is what it is, when I saw how you dropped your gaze in an apologizing matter.

"Forget what I said, Fuji."

Yes, forget. Maybe you deserve someone else and not me. Don't bother about me anymore. I turned my back to my horrid weakness, to my only love, who stole everything from me. My heart, my reason.

Why…why can't I just let you go?

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Sleepless nights followed my rash confession. Tears unconsciously escape from my eyes during those nights, but I wipe them off and force them not to slide down again. I hoped that some miracle will happen, like the ones I read or watched somewhere; you'll come rushing to me, saying your I'm sorrys and declares you feel the same.

I waited.

But none came.

I guess my fantasy isn't agreeing with my reality. It's pure torture how we both pretended that nothing happened. It's more painful to see you desperately trying to patch up the mistake that you didn't do.

You apologized to me. But no, I don't deserve your sorry. I deserve nothing. I subjected you to something dreadful; I couldn't deserve such heavy word.

So this is how I ended.

Falling in love with you is wrong.

But…no degree of rejections stopped my heart from beating only for you.

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Time ticked. The time left with us together in the same school is ticking fast. Graduation came. My inevitable came. I'm about to leave, leave for good.

I want to hold you, for one last time.

I couldn't be happier when you agreed to come by at my house. The moment your feet landed on my threshold, I held you in my arms. I don't want to let go, I'm afraid you'll run away. This is my only and last chance to make you realize I'm telling the truth. I love you.

I held you, I took your hand, and I kissed you. You didn't utter a word of complain. Your submission…it's hurting me more. At the same time, you're intoxicating me beyond my control. I want you, so badly.

I'm doing a wrong thing. I know I'll never live up to the guilt later, but all I want is you, everything, this instance.

Our kisses numbed me happiness I know won't last. Intense and overwhelming, if only you had the idea how addicting you taste. Pressing you on the wall, spilling over you all the pent-up feelings that I've subsided inside through the kiss I've recklessly initiated. The next moment, I was walking you to my bed, fumbling with your clothes, taking them off before my mind screamed not to.

You allowed me to kiss you, even responding with much intensity that I haven't expected.

I deluded myself that you love me too, that you allowed me to break this line between us because you love me. I know, pity might be the reason, or you played along with me as your victim.

But why would you let me do this to you when you know full well that the reason I'm doing this is because I'm madly in love with you? What? Lust drove you? Pity over your crumbling captain? Or your way of saying 'you get what you want so leave me alone'?

"Tezuka…we should…aaahh…st—stop…"

Your voice torn between a moan and gasp shook me out of my reverie. I stare with haze to your blue eyes clouded with something I couldn't comprehend. I kiss your forehead tenderly. I love you so much; it's already merging well with the pain.

"I want you, Fuji. Even for just tonight." I tried not to sound the turmoil inside me, but I knew I spelt it with everything I do. Again, his submission added too much to me, I don't know how masochistic I've became without me knowing.

We ended up making love, you never once stopped me, you never uttered a word of complain or pain. You allowed me to take you, allowed me the forbidden banquet. I know this would be the first and last time I would be allowed this intrusion. And the last time I will see those eyes on mine only. The last time…

I kissed you again. With all the love and tenderness I could muster, I told you I love you again. Tears pierced my eyes; I realized that this is the only instance that I could tell you this. The last time I could convince you to love me too.

When you stretched your hand and caressed my cheeks, I couldn't hold back anymore. Pain so mocking splayed over me, I couldn't hold on anymore. Why did I let my emotions override me? Why had I let my deep infatuation get the better of me? Why is it that you, Fuji Syusuke, became my one and only weakness?

"Why?" I was trembling, shutting my eyes desperately to block out the tears that continued to flow down. "Why couldn't you love me?"

I need to know, I need to hear your side. I need you to understand.

"I love you, Syusuke, I love you."

Desperation, frustration and determination mixed altogether in a heartbreaking manner. Pain beyond what I can endure stabbed me again. Through my tear-hazed eyes, I let myself drown in your oceanic eyes. And then, you closed our eyes, a tear escaping as if it can go unnoticed.

When you opened your mouth to answer, I haven't predicted that it's enough to send me to my oblivion.

"I'm sorry, Tezuka. I can't love you."

It killed me, the wave of knife-like pain washed over me. And I knew no more when I shut my eyes in hopeless vain.

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The next morning came as if like a hanging poster ignored on some wall. I went on without registering what's going on. Numb, white blindness pain inflicted made sure I won't get off easily.

Life became as barren as it is for me. After graduating college, I ended up with a highly-paid and very reasonable job that was fitting enough for me; even if it meant working with Atobe.

I have long forgotten where the sanity of my capability to fall in love again went to. Sometimes I wish I could still love, I could still yearn for familiar warmth in my heart. Alone had I trudged on with my life, my shadow the only thing that kept me company.

Shattered pieces are hard to patch up. It proved when years' thread failed to stitch mine back together.

In the end, I kept shards of shattered love inside me, wounding me every now and then but I've grown to endure it. No sight of him ever since the night I held in my arms. I've done all I can to get a glimpse of him but mere hallucinations of my desire were all my eyes could perceive.

I bade goodbye to the world above with my mind recalling what I could with that smile of his.

Love may be unreturned, but I'm glad I've managed to tell him what I feel.

Even if his words took my heart with him.

"_I'm sorry, Tezuka. I can't love you."_

I love you.

Mantra of my mind, my heart, my soul.

Fuji Syusuke.

--owari—

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**A/N:** Forgive me for all the angst. I guess I love making angsty stories. Gomen. Natural death's not that depressing. I couldn't write about Tezuka marrying someone or turning suicidal. He still loves Fuji until the end. Now, it's time for you to leave me a review.


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